Golfin' humiliation

Hey Noochi fans!! Y'all are never going to believe what happened to my ass today. Da Toid and I went to da Braddock golf toynament and no sooner dan we walked into da toynament, I got run over by Letravis Goyman in a golf cart. It was one of those dump-cart golf carts going about 30 mph. I flipped over the cart and ended up face-first in a nice pile of duck crap.

I never saw dat tard coming. And apparently he never saw my ass. He was coming off of a side road, drivin' wit his left hand and jackin' wit his right and bastid didn't stop--even afta he hit my ass. I may have a broken left wrist (typing one-handed right now--though I'm typing wit one hand not because da uta is hoyt but because my udda hand is massagin little Noochi). Nonetheless I have to go for xrays tomorrow. Da chair of the tournament, Judge Jennings came and saw me and gave da Toid a luxury box pass to the 17th hole--he had udda plans for my ass. I waited on the GBLT crowd hand and foot. I was foiced to give dem free beer, food all day, lap dances--and my phone numba. Full VIP treatment.

When dat tard Letravis hit my ass I got up wanting to fight. I was mad as hell. When I realized dat I haven't won a wrestling match in 4 or so years, I had to put da brakes on it. Dat was da ha'dest part, I could have done something really stupid and had to eat jelly--prizum style.

Anus mucus

Let's face it: the ass stinks. Especially if you have taken a shit earlier in the day and forget to wipe the ass mucus off. I don't even care if you have wiped your sorwa hemoroid clit a thousand times (like me). You will NEVER get all the shit off. Every time I sit down, I get whiffs of my stinky, oozy ass. To add insult to injury, dat shit odor sticks to my back ass. Now I gotta smell my ass when I'm at da restaurant making piza wit my shoyt off. Gross! When dat happens, I get so mad and so aroused I absolutely HAVE to torque and twist before going to bed.

In the evening, just about everyone in the fuckin' restaurant has taken a shit (or three). That stink stays dere all fuckin' day simmering in your slimy crack, on your hands, in your food.

In addition to ass odor, there is regular B.O. which also builds up during the day - with or without hair. Though I usually don't notice that because the smell of rotten chedda ass cheese drowns it out. You know what I'm talking about... you mothas!!!!

Nipple toycha

Forwa da last tree days my nipples have been constantly erect and sensitive. It's mainly because of dat fuckin' monkey, Mud. He pinches my nipples, twist dem, den snaps his fuckin' fingas. AHHHHH!!!!! Da bastid!!! My nips hoyt some if I thump dem or touch dem but dey hoyt da most when Mud foices my ass to put a lacey bra on at night. Ever since, my tits have been sorwa and oozin blood. Dey have been erect also, so much so dat you can see dem troo my sta'chy shoyts at times which is very unusual for my ass since my nipples are neva ha'd unless I'm touchin dem when I jack tinkin' about Amelia's ass. What is going on wit my ass? (And I'm not constipated considering my suga daddy Clay Boytrand and my room-mate, da Toid foices my ass to eat ex-lax every fuckin' day--which leaves gooey brown streaks in my stained drawers.

hemorrhoid clit

Boy, Shitifa showa humiliated my ass dis morning. I told her ass about da dream I had about Amelia, where I got to moida hoy tits. Shitifa was pissed. Dat horwa asked why my ass was fantasizing about dat "skinny, honky bitch". Shitifa pointed out dat Amelia hates my ass (until I convince amelia to marry my ass) and dat Shitifa lets me eat out hoy chedda cheese smellin' ass.

I den instinctively said "yuck". This provoked Shitifa, dat slut reached beneath my trousa's and unda my gut den grabbed a tuft of pubes poyched above my cock. She jerked it hard enough to pull a handful of hair out while she pinched my nipples and snapped hoy fingas. AHHHHHH!!!!!

Den she tripped my ass where I landed on my gut. As I lay dere, she pulled down my pants to my ankles. Den da slut began flicking hoy middle finga at my asshole clit as I screamed "my clit, my fuckin' clit...." Ova and ova again Shitifa thumped my shit-clit. Soon all da guys showed up to watch da spectacle. Da humiliation led to a soyging swell of an impending climax which caused my ass to sweat profusely.

Suddenly my ass couldn't breathe. I panicked and thrashed, but still I couldn't breathe. Den she picked slapped my ass clit wit hoy black dildo, den da soyge of a humiliating oygazm came. Dat bastid Letravis Goyman was so aroused, he stat'ed humping Mud, who was pounding his weina wit da bra he makes my ass wear. Da soyge was so strong I crapped all ova da place den passed out in a puddle of my own piss and shit.

Now I an foyced to relive dis humiliation tonight at da Lib's anti-republican fund-raisa, since dis most recent bout of anal humiliation was filmed by da Toid and posted it on da Demorat Pa'ties official website. Why I oughtaaaa.....

Da Devil went to Braddock

Da devil went down to Braddock, his ass was lookin' for a Hoyshey hole to fuck.
He was in a bind 'cause he liked men's behinds: he was willin' to try his luck.

When he came across dis lard-ass jackin' on his little weina' tot.
And da devil jumped upon a hickory stump and said: "Hey fat-ass let me tell you what:
"I bet you didn't know it, but I'm a jacker too.
"And if you'd care to take a dare, I'll make a bet wit you.
"Now you jack your tiny cock pretty good, fat boy, but give da devil his due:
"I bet a dildo of gold against your hole, 'cause I think I'll cum quicka' dan you."

The fat ass said: "My name's Tony and jackin' might be a sin,
"But I'll take your bet, your gonna regret, 'cause I'm da fastest jack dat's ever been."

Tony you greasin up your cock and jack like a reta'd.
'Cawse hells broke loose in Braddock and da devil jacks it ha'd.
And if you win you get dis sticky dildo made of gold.
But if you lose, the devil rapes your asshole.

Da devil opened up his vaseline and he said: "I'll start dis show."
And fire flew from his fingertips as he lathered up his cockbow.
And he pulled his cock across his balls and it made an evil hiss.
Den a band of demons sta'ted jackin' and it sounded sum'tin like dis.

When da devil finished, Tony said: "Well you're pretty quick ol' son.
"But if you'll recover in dat chair, right dere, and let my ass show you how it's done."

Fire on the mountain, run boys, run.
Da devil's strokin' in da house of da risin' sun.
Jackin' in da bread pin, spurtin' out goo.
Moanin' like a crack whore screaming, "ooo, ooo, ooo."

Da devil bowed his head because he knew dat he been beat.
He laid dat sticky, golden dildo on da ground at Tony's obese feet.
Tony said: "Devil just come on back if you ever wanna jack again.
"I told you once, you motha, I'm da quickest jack dat's ever been."

Fire on the mountain, run boys, run.
Da devil's strokin' in da house of da risin' sun.
Jackin' in da bread pin, spurtin' out goo.
Moanin' like a crack whore screaming, "ooo, ooo, ooo."

why i oughtaaaa......

My masta, Clay Boytrand said this to my ass da udda day? What the fuck does it mean?

"Smedley says that while your already sucking & cupping my balls, lick the taint too. I agree that you might as well. If you flick your tongue on the taint while stroking the shaft (after you lubed it up of course) sploosh! Catch it in your mouth for tasty surprise!! :-)"

Well, at least my ass is no longa' a voygin...

Now dat my ass is foyty tree, I looked back ova my life. I realized I was very shy and to dis day hadn't had any sexual experiences except wit my hand, Kelly da Fruit’s silky coytans, or eatin' out dat whore Shitifa's cheddar cheese smellin ass. Da only way I can get my rocks off, is I have to get away from my masta and savya's woyshipas who severely tortured my ass whenever I am caught jackin'--which is quite often. I had dis one place where I can go to peep on one of my ma’s old friends while I rub little Noochi wit da "flintlock" maneuver.

Da udda night, I was peepin on dat old broad. Da lot next to her shack was undeveloped and afforded me the ability to spy on hoy ass without woyey. I had spied on her ass several times, seeing everyting from da old bag undressing out of hoy goydle and cleanin' out her adult diapas, to some pretty exciting sexual tings wit some black men.

As I was standin on da air conditioner watchin her old ass disrobe, she bent down facin' hoy closet, giving me a perfect shot of hoy wrinkled puss. I failed to see dat da Crunk had slipped out of da room and had come around da coyna of da house, catchin my ass peeping while I was jackin'. I jumped down (wit my skid-marked pants around my ankles) and tried to act like I was lookin for my fake vagina and dat I was practicin' karate, but his ass wasn't buyin' it.

Da Crunk took my ass into the house (wit my pants still around my ankles) and said, "Ho, look at dis fat honky fuck I found outside our bedroom window." Dey sta'ted talkin about callin' da Toid on my ass. I was freaking out. Den, da old broad asked my ass if I tawt she was pretty. I told her I tawt she was very beautiful. She den dropped her nightgown and diapa to da flowa and asked me if I tawt her ass was sexy. I tink da rise in da flab around my cock was answa enough, but I told her "Oh, yes." Den she asked my ass if I tawt it would be better to touch her dan to just look at her ass troo da window. I was really scared, but I told her ass dat, yes, it would be much nicer.

She foiced my ass to wear a blindfold. Den, she told my ass to come and feel her fuckin' tits. Dis was the first real breast I had ever laid my hand on. Doz tits felt much smalla dan dey looked and ratha' boney. At da same time, she reached over and began rubbin' my cock. Toyns out, she and da Crunk was into some kinky shit. Dey taught me everyting about sex a person could imagine.

At last, afta 20 seconds of some ha'd poundin'--doggy style--I was not a voygin. But unfoytunately fowa my ass, my bliss was soon toyned into utta and complete humiliation. When I took da blindfold off, what I witnessed in da bed where I popped my cherry was Kelly "Da Fruit" Millis. He was totally nude and smokin' a fuckin' cigarette. On top of dat shit, I saw all my fuckin' pals (includin' dat old bag) standin' around wit video cameras laughin' at my ass. Da fuckin Toid played dat goddamn trumpet.

I yelled out real loud. You fuckin' assholes, you toyned my ass into a fag. I den challenged da Toid to a match. Afta my Loyd and Savya, da Liberal Libarian descend from his golden throne and allowed da match to ensue, da Toid began givin' my ass a severe beatin'.

As I was standing punch drunk on my feet, da Toid shoved da trumpet in my ass, den pushed my ass down where I landed on my fuckin' gut. Da gas dat came out of my ass made da most humiliatin' sound to ever come out of dat goddamn trumpet--da Toid was declared da winna, den everyting went black.

When I awoke da next day from my tremendous beatin' and humiliation in my slave quartas', I saw plasta'd across da whole house postas of my homosexual experience. I was told to autograph deez posta's so dey can be sold at my Masta's Communist cafe. Dat hot old broad had set my ass up. Why I oughtaaaa.... Well, at least da good news is, I'm no longa a voygin.