I tawt dis last tv show was going to change my life for da bettah. I tawt da fans would love my ass and chant my name...and da lovely Amelia would want me to moida her tits. Howeva, to my dismay I was da subject foy laughta--not only inside, but outside da arena too!! In fact, I am still teased by da Braddock locals. Everybody laughs at my ass because I was defeated by dat maniacal monkey, Mud. Even at da Braddock Public Library, this 13 year old blonde headed boy named Bryin grabbed my nipples, twisted them, and then snapped his fingas!! Dat BASTID!! What did I eva do to his ass?? Dat humiliation is only da tip of the iceboig. Don't dey understand, I almost won. After all, Mud is a masta in martial aoits. Don't dey know that I'm a lovah, not a fightah?
My Masta and Lord, da Liberal Librarian, who just came back home told me dat I should take da abuse and tell dose bums to vote foy my Masta's beloved, Hillary. Am I to embrace the public for trowin dog shit at me because I've lost just a few mowa matches dan I won?? Are dey going to laugh and humiliate my ass because I'm a little overweight? Will they keep trying to rape my ass justifying it (quoting them!) by saying "I'm FAT!"? From age 8, people can tell between right and wrong. No matter what dere frustrations at the oh so evil world, as long as they take it out on innocent people, dey are da scum and dey don't desoiv being in my fan club--if I had one.
I have been a victim of lots of shit. Just because I'm fat, I have been beaten, set on fire and even found my underwear drawer flooded with piss and stool. And dis humiliation was just by my Ma!! In addition to all dat shit, I have been insulted, laughed at, mocked. My black friends ganged up against my ass just to crush me, and even those geyahs who have promised my Ma to look after my ass--namely Revoind Coitis has joined in bullying me. At age foyty, I found myself completely alone and mistrusting people. And I still am. I still catch myself questioning and being suspicious of every nice gesture: "What's Kelly's ass scheming?"--refoying to dat time Kelly Millis asked if I wanted a full body massage.
Here in Braddock, I have no friends or family to toin to wit my pain. I have no chest to cry on...just my enoymus man tits. I have always been left alone wit my trouble. I KNOW what it's like to be discriminated, mistreated and humiliated. I KNOW what it's like to feel you're on your own, surrounded by enemies. And even when I did direct my anger at da true enemy--Republicans, I have never met "understanding" from fucking anyone. Whetha I defended my ass or whetha I let dem beat my ass into da ground, I have always found my ass alone. My country, with my Ma, my Masta and my roommate--da Toid. Thanks to my intimidating good looks, I have never been in any relationship, da closest being cases of rape by Shitifa, and my botched rape of Amelia. At least my Masta understands... he told my ass when Hillary is elected emperor, everything will woik out. I just hope when my masta leaves to campaign foy her ass in Indiana, that he doesn't leave me alone with Mud. My nipples shoy are sore. Mud's brand of humiliation is especially humiliating...
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