Jackin' 101

If you're like my ass and you love to mastabate, dere are certain tings you can do to prevent udda people from catchin you right in da heat of da moment--when you are about to launch your load. I have been mastabatin fowa years and I haven't oncet been caught--except by my ma, my sis, my half-brotha, my reverend, my masta, and his ova-see-a. Here is a few tips I suggest.

1. Don't mastabate if da dowa is unlocked.

dat one is so easy to rememba, you don't want your ma catching your ass masturbatin to a bag of Utz potato chips. unfoytunately dis seems to happen every couple of days.

2. Never cum in your clothes or bed or aim fowa your own face

Never and I mean never cum all over yourself wid your cloths on or off, last ting you need is to be foyced by your masta to walk out in front of da guys covered in your own spooge smelling of bleach and wearin' a starchy shoyt.

3. Always jack-off in a sock--or betta yet on a rag.

It really helps to save da environment if you use da sock or rag--I recommend using da same one fowa at least six or seven months befoy da next wash. It stinks and toyns yella, but it's betta on da environment.

4. Never make any strange noises while mastabating.

You want to avoid da "oohs and ahhs," your family may hear dem. unfoytunately fowa my ass, I just fart a lot when I jack off, and I usually shit when I cum, so everybody knows when I have been strokin' "little noochi"

5. Never be in your room for too long and its too quiet.

Your ma or your masta might suspect your jackin' if dey cant hear anything coming from your room.

6. When watching unapproved porno, lowa da volume and turn up da radio.
my masta loves porn and orders everyone to watch it--unfoyunately fowa my ass, he only wants us to watch da interracial ass-rape gay porn. boy being foyced to wach dis showa is humiliatin... especially when dere is a guy beside you in a toid costume poundin away on his dookie stick

7. Always clean up da evidence

Never leave a mess in your room. clean up any goo, piss, shit or vaseline dat may be on da flowa.

8.After masturbating, go straight to da restroom and wash up.

Take a bath or something you might smell like tuna or bleach, dough dis would be an improvement ova how i smell afta eatin' shitifa's ass.

9. Never leave porno, or used condoms or socks anywhere in your room.

Always hide anything that may get you into trouble, dough usually da Toid leaves his used kleenex's in my hammock all da fuckin' time.

10. i hope dis helps yowa ass in da arts of jackin'. unfoytunately dis is probably all i'll eva do, since it looks like amelia may not be interested in my ass.