I have to admit, I am shocked that my Lord, Master, and Savior, the Liberal Librarian's beloved Hillary won the primary in Texas. Somehow, with all the bribes, ballot box stuffing, and voter intimidation, she eeked out a slim victory in this god-foybidden shit-hole known as the lone-star state.
I tawt my masta would be happy. But they found out about the serious error I made in the booth when it was my toin to vote. I voted the Republican ballot!! I was such a fool! I was hopin' dey wouldn't notice. A couple of days ago on election night, I just finished a family sized bag of Utz potata chips for an afta suppa snack. Then I started looking real hard at the bag, namely the Utz Goil. I began to imagine all that I would like to do to her ass. Then I had tawts about Amelia and her wonderful rack. How she could wear a bra while I perfoimed my patented analingus.
Unbeknowest to my ass, I started getting a major woody. So I quickly grabbed a ballot from the voting attendant and ran to the voting booth so no one would notice my erectile disfunction and laugh at my ass. Well, while I was supposed to be voting, I was stroking and I toined that voting booth into a huge gooey mess.
Luckily Kelly Millis voted after me, he didn't seem to mind. Well after the voting closed, when my Master was poysonally counting the ballot boxes, and throwing away all the votes for Obama, he noticed the Republican ballot with my handwriting and spooge on it. Though he didn't say nothing at the time, he instead whispered something into Coitis's ear. I thought he was talking about my woody. Well today at Coitis's choich, while I was finishing off a few boxes of Little Debbie snacks, I began to fantasize about Little Debbie. Boy she looks a lot like the Utz goil and Amelia. Just as I moved my hands, down my pants, I was nailed with an empty liquor bottle. Then I was pelted with slaps, kicks, and punches. It felt like 4 guys were kicking my ass at oncet. Who was giving my ass the bizzaness you ask? It was that God damn pet of Coitis. His fucking monkey, Mud!! Mud was laying a savage beating on my ass. I tried to get up but he kicked my fucking skull into the next time zone. Dat damn monkey then started twisting my nipples and snapping them in his fingas!!! Coitis was laughing at my ass, but the Master still looked pissed. Coitis then snapped his fingers and that damn Mud walked over towoids me and poops in his hands. Then he rubbed the excrement on my face and in my mouth. The NOIVE of that monkey. Then he began peeing all over my ass with uoine that smells like orange soda. I was left a bloody mess, covered in monkey shit and uoine. Why I oughta.......Well, needless to say, after I left the emoygency room, I demanded my master sanction a match between me and Mud Monkey. I demand satisfaction and I'm going to teach that Monkey who's boss. Maybe the beating I give Mud will impress Amelia. Then she might let me moida her tits. The masta laught at my ass and said sure, next house show I will face Mud in a West African Street Fight, however, the masta said that my part of the 3 man tard-tag team championship is on the line. I don't care. I guarantee a win, woo, woo, woo, wooooooo!!!
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