This week I have been basking in the hell hole that is Libtown. So much rain fell recently, it evens look like a beach—the beach in Jersey that is with all the medical waste and sewage. The most disgusting thing at the Libtown beach happened to my ass on my way to the sewage lake and you won't even believe it.
Me and David Downs got sprinkle cones at “Ass Cream Delights” right next to the lake and since Downs has a paper route he PAID because no one else will associate with his ass because he's always masturbating and he shits in his pants a lot—and my Masta, the Liberal Librarian orders my ass too, so I'm the only one who will be seen with him. I'm barely any better off than Downs though because everyone makes fun of my ass and beats me up a lot because I'm a fat fuck and I have a huge mouth and I'm always running from fights and crying and instigating everyone by falling in love with the most popular goyles and trying to molest them and everything.
So Downs and I are eating sprinkle cones and I start making fun of da Toid with mean names like "stupid hunky" and "grit-face" and "scuzz-master," only the Toid was standing just far enough away and I wasn't looking at him and was just talking to Downs the whole time, so it took the Toid a while to cop on that he was the object of my cutting commentary.
But then the Toid got wise because Downs was laughing too hard and actually I kid you not SHIT HIS ORANGE SWIM TRUNKS he was laughing so hard at me mocking da Toid just out of the Toid's hearing (oh, btw, the Toid was wearing--get this smeared shit and nothing else).
So the Toid gets wise and turns his shit self around and gives us a stare challenge, and he sees that my idiotic friend Downs has shit his trunks laughing, and the Toid says "Nice shit, fuck face!" And then he walks up to me and says "You weren't makin' fun o' ME perchance, was yis?"
And I barely had time to be surprised dat bastid could come up with the word "perchance" then he grabbed my wrists at the same time and shoved da sprinkle cones up my ass and humiliated me in front of the “Ass Cream” staff, one of which is this jail-bait slut I totally have a crush on and pass love poems to every day before I go to the lake. Did I mention that she's got a nice fuckin rack, too?
And I'm telling you—I was totally so laden with sprinkles and ice cream in my ass cavity that I could barely stand the shame of everyone's laughing and taunting. And then the Toid says "Why don't you shit YOUR pants, just like your retard friend, you fuck whore!?" Which was stupid, since I’ve neva been laid--you could practically fit an acorn around my dick, and so I take off sprinting toward the lake, where I found out later the Toid had been banned from entering because he doesn't have proper swim trunks only more greasy stool.
Nonetheless, I nearly pass out after 20 feet and da Toid caught my ass and held me hostage for like a half hour, taunting my ass in front of othas like that slut and Letravis Gorman and buying ANOTHER sprinkle cone and shoving it in my asshole, even though to the Toid's credit, he let my ass choose the flavor and the sprinkle variety for his second cone-raping humiliation, and da Toid even paid for the second cone, which was nice of him. nyuck, nyuck, nyuck....
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