Dear Diary...

Dear Diary,

Boy, today I sure felt like such a fool. I thought everything was fine after I took a dump. However, the Turd and my Master, the Liberal Librarian, walked in unexpectantly.... nyuck, nyuck, nyuck...... This time they stayed in the bath room. The Master brought in a chain and collar and linked them together effectively holding me in one place and my head up. I had to position my self on my hands and my knees or else I would have been very uncomfortable. I was SO humiliated and that was just the beginning. I was drenched in sweet smelling soaps and animal oils. I could identify summer sausage and bacon. My hair was washed my tits were scrubbed, my belly, my feet. I was given an enema and what was in that enema bag? I watched them fill it with WINE. My ass was full of wine. The Turd plugged me with the wine cork. He told to keep the cork in my asshole until the Master released me. What did I do to deserve that shit? I looked to Master for a reprieve but He just sat there in his sunglasses with a poker face. I was so tired. I soon began to feel flush after several minutes. The Turd washed my hair, then he oiled me and lotioned me and scented me with sex oils. Then he took pictures of me to post on the Internet. All the while I worked hard to hold the wine and the cork in my ass cavity. I was feeling pretty good by the time the Master released me from my position and had me squat over the shitter and empty my bowels. I suppose I could protest but I decided long ago never to say NO to my Master.

Jewelry

Last night The Master had me pleasure Shitifa again. After I got done with her, The Lib told me I had to service The Turd. Well, he really humiliated my ass. The Turd, who has been spending a lot of time in jail recently, made me, uh, well, use jelly. Then he had me do The Rusty Trombone!! I am such a fool! Then I had to eat body sushi off of his disgusting turd outfit!! The Turd thanked me for my services by giving me a lovely Pearl Necklace and a Salty Walrus. He's an OK guy.

Handicap match tomorrow

Man, I am pumped. I am actually on the card at a WNWA PPV thanks to the generosity of my master The Lib. I can't believe I've resisted all of his teachings all these months. He is a wise man and I'm a fat fool. I have just come to accept the fact that my natural state is to be enslaved as I am not responsible enough to take care of myself. The Lib says most people are like that and should be enslaved to the Democrat government. I used to hate Democrats, but I now think they might be right. I also have started to feel things move beneath my hang gut when I see Hillary, if you know what I mean ;)

Tomorrow, I am teaming with my retard friends, The GOP to form the Legion of Dum as The Lib calls us. We are taking on two fuckin' retards named Dusty Jones and Claudie Clay- this dumb fuck wears a mask and thinks he's a super hero- I call him Super Tard.

I have also come to accept my mother's sexual relationship with strange black men. I think it's a good thing. For too long whitey kept the blacks down and now it's pay back time, DP style. I think all white men should let black men have their way with their wives, girlfriends, sisters, mothers, friends, what have you. It's only right. Actually, you could watch while they do it and make it a pleasurable experience for yourself, just get some of Retro's new hand cream and go to town.

The horror of analingus

My master, The Liberal Librarian, forces me to pleasure morbidly obese women on the weekends. Not only do I have to sexually satisfy these slow and creeping bipeds, but I have to perform the most vile and disgusting acts on them. Some of these include 69, Cleveland Steamers, scat eating, Snowballing, the use of all kinds of sick toys, the Dirty Sanchez, DP, ADP, and the most disgusting of all: Analingus. This vile act is most disgusting when having to do it on a nasty whore like Shitifa, who knows nothing about personal hygiene. That bitch has always got a crack full of cheddar cheese smelling chocolate pudding.

Depression

Last night I walked in on Da Crunk and that old fake preacher Curtis Lowe tag teaming my mother. As much as she has disappointed me lately, that woman is a saint. I attacked both of those fools and started laying a beating on Curtis. Da Crunk fell off the bed and knocked himself out on the nightstand. Just as I was setting Curtis up for the Salami Super Kick I felt someone grab me around the head and I went crashing to the floor. As I woke up from the blow I saw The Liberal Librarian hovering over my mother's chest and yelling "steam power!" I then blacked out. As much as I hate my master and this gang of fools, I'm starting to see some method to their madness.

Insomnia

Sometimes I pray to the Holy Mother and ask her what have I done so bad to deserve the pathetic life I live. I mean, yeah, I've been involved in some crime and I tried to rape that Amelia bitch last year, but, c'mon, I'm a pretty good guy. Usually, I have these feelings of hopelessness at night when I can't sleep. I have to lie awake at night and hear the creak and squeak of the bed and the moans of pleasure in the apartment above me. What makes it worse is that it's my mother and that scum bag, Da Crunk that lives above me. I have to hear that shit all night, every night!! And not just that, but the banging of the headboard!! It drives me crazy!

But that's not the worst. I share a bedroom with the sickest individual alive today- The Turd! That freak makes some of the sickest noises, gestures and motions during the night. He frequently gets up in front of a mirror and prances about, putting on his brown lipstick, rubbing his nipples and tucking himself- sick!!! He masturbates CONSTANTLY and he has phone sex with Retro and that Kelly guy nearly every night. When I do get to sleep, nearly every morning there is a steamer on my pillow from that sick freak. And every time I wake up, no matter if it's the middle of the night or whenever, that pervert is staring at me watching me sleep!!! And I am always losing things- things I think that freak is inserting in his anus!!! Sometimes I just want to end it all. The Liberal Librarian has decimated my life and I don't know that any amount of therapy could ever make me recover.

Shitifa's baby names list

Last night I had to pleasure that nasty whore, Shitifa. As I was doing one of the most vile and disgusting things to her that the pervert The Liberal Librarian taught me, I happened upon a list of baby names that Shitifa had ripped out of a library book (it was stamped "Property of Braddock County Public Library.") Here are the names.

KWANZOPHOBIA
FEMA TRAILA
CONGOLEUM
NOVA SQUASHA
MULBERITO
MAYTAG
ANOREXIQUANEESHA
BULIMIA-MOZAMBIQUA
NAIROBIA
WHISPERJET
SIERRALEONAY
FABREEZE
PERNICIOUS
VALTREX
SPERMATAZOA
VULVITIS
LAMINECTOMY
TENESMUS
PRILOSEXUAL
BONIVA
DIPLOPIA ALBICANS
YUKON DENALI
JAMBALAYA
DIARRHEUS
OBSEQUIATIVO
BISQUICK
DULCOLAX
FALLOPIA
CLOROX
AMBULANCIA
PROACTIVE SALUTIA
FALLUJAH
DIFLUCAN
ESCALADE
TACHYCARDIA
MISDEMEANOR