Da Woes of Jackin'

da most humiliatin ting happent to my ass da otha da at da insane asylum. da day was Decemba da foyth and I was bein kept after re-education school. da 65 year old secoyity gad Mrs Landreth would walk to check on da nuts in da coytyad who was rubbin shit in dere hair. It was rainin really hard and when she got back to escoyt my ass back to my padded cell she was soakin wet. I was hidin In da closet and den she started to take her dress off, she was wearin a platex rubba goydle, depends unda gaments and nylons dat made hoy legs and all da spida veins look very sexy and believe It or not she was wearin black rubbas on hoy shoes.

I really started to get an erection and started to poyfoym da toyk an twist on my weina. I was so toyned on dat before I knew It, she walked In on me while I was shootin my load. She was really mad and told me she was goin to give my ass a real good beatin. dat Is da way it is in prison, you would get a beatin If you looked at at bitch da wrong way. what's woyse, yowa asshole could be a pussy, like da Rev. Dockta Coits Lowe. And dat's what happent to my ass. Mrs. Landreth took da strap-on covered in molasses to my ass. Den gave my asshole a good poundin. Afta da rapin, I began jackin foyiously at da tawt of da sheer humiliatin. foytunately fowa my ass, dat was da foyst time I was caught masterbatin, eva!!

Unfoytunately fowa my ass, da next day, I was caught masterbatin when I was In da batroom shittin on da john when I noticed my suga daddy, Clay Boytrand had left his rubba goydle hangin on da bathtub rail and all of a sudden I started to get an erection, I den took his rubba goydle and put It on myself. I was standin dere wit a real big erection when Clay Boytrand walked In on my ass and caught me puttin da sleepa hold on 'little nooch'. I had neva seen Clay Boytrand so mad, he started yellin at my ass and told my ass I was goin to get a good spankin. He den kicked my ass in da nuts. Den he pinched my nuts, twisted dem, den he snapped his fingas. Da Bastid!!! den he stated beatin my ass wit a whip. all of a sudden I stated to get a big erection den I spooged all ova my ass. After Clay finished washin da spoym from his leg, he got his strap-on (covered in sand) and gave my ass a beatin dat I will never forget. I ejaculate fowa mowa times.

Now as i write dis, i am sittin a stachy padded cell da smells of ammonia, covad in stachy undawea and a stachy shoyt, wit my skin stachy from head to toe. As punishment da gads said de will put itchin powda on my weina and me in a straight jacket, so I can roll around da padded cell in tryin to scratch my weina. I wish I neva took dat job as a county planna, boy dats where all da humiliation began.

Tanksgivin Confusion

Tanksgivin Day with my pal Clay Boytrand at da asylum went surprisingly well. Da last time I ate wit somebody, I got my tit shot and moidad. Da bastid dough showa liked to humiliate my ass. He kept making snide remarks about my fat rolls and my moidad tit.

So afta humiliatin my ass about my tit, we ate dinna with a negro soyvant named Smedley. Boy is dat what years of humiliation can do to yowa ass? What a froot!!

Clay loved da pan-seared oven-roasted salami. YUM. Afta dinner we went upstairs to hide da salami. Den Clay said he had to tell me sometin. He said he had to leave at 9:00. I was a little pissed because I spent a lot of time cookin foy his ass and I tawt we agreed he was coming over and possibly staying da night wit my ass. Clay said he had to meet wit a friend who was in trouble. I let it go at dat.

Since it was still oyly afta da Tanksgivin, I left da asylum on holiday-foylow, I decided to go out to da Blue Oysta Bar across da street. Der was one horwa in da whole bar. A cute Polish horwa, Etmiass, age 30, came up to me and said I was very handsome. She had a face full of stubble. So we went back to my shack in da asylum.

By this time we were on da second bottle of wine, da red one. Etmiass woyned me dat red wine makes hoy sleepy. As we were eatin pizza I received a text messages. It was from my forma ovaseea, Da Toid, who I tawt was dead. Evidently, he sent my ass a message from Hell. Da Toid wanted to know what I was doing. I replied, “I'm on a hot date with Etmiass!” After I sent da text, Da Toid woyned me dat Etmiass was a man. I was so humiliated and confused. I had tawt dat dis was da foyst time I ate ass from a thin girl, and den I see dis.

Now here's where it gets really confusing. After da movie we watched a re-run of Liberal Morning wit da Liberal Librarian. I took a restroom break and when I came back Etmiass was lying on da futon. She… He motioned for me to lie down beside it. Dere was a lot of touching and rubbing, and befooy long jeans were unzipped and moy touching followed. I asked if it wanted to go to da bedroom for sex and it said, “I don't want to on da first date.”

I tawt, “What in da hell just happened here?!! I tawt dis wasn't a date!!!” Why I oughtaa…

Can you see why my ass is confused?

Jackin' 101

If you're like my ass and you love to mastabate, dere are certain tings you can do to prevent udda people from catchin you right in da heat of da moment--when you are about to launch your load. I have been mastabatin fowa years and I haven't oncet been caught--except by my ma, my sis, my half-brotha, my reverend, my masta, and his ova-see-a. Here is a few tips I suggest.

1. Don't mastabate if da dowa is unlocked.

dat one is so easy to rememba, you don't want your ma catching your ass masturbatin to a bag of Utz potato chips. unfoytunately dis seems to happen every couple of days.

2. Never cum in your clothes or bed or aim fowa your own face

Never and I mean never cum all over yourself wid your cloths on or off, last ting you need is to be foyced by your masta to walk out in front of da guys covered in your own spooge smelling of bleach and wearin' a starchy shoyt.

3. Always jack-off in a sock--or betta yet on a rag.

It really helps to save da environment if you use da sock or rag--I recommend using da same one fowa at least six or seven months befoy da next wash. It stinks and toyns yella, but it's betta on da environment.

4. Never make any strange noises while mastabating.

You want to avoid da "oohs and ahhs," your family may hear dem. unfoytunately fowa my ass, I just fart a lot when I jack off, and I usually shit when I cum, so everybody knows when I have been strokin' "little noochi"

5. Never be in your room for too long and its too quiet.

Your ma or your masta might suspect your jackin' if dey cant hear anything coming from your room.

6. When watching unapproved porno, lowa da volume and turn up da radio.
my masta loves porn and orders everyone to watch it--unfoyunately fowa my ass, he only wants us to watch da interracial ass-rape gay porn. boy being foyced to wach dis showa is humiliatin... especially when dere is a guy beside you in a toid costume poundin away on his dookie stick

7. Always clean up da evidence

Never leave a mess in your room. clean up any goo, piss, shit or vaseline dat may be on da flowa.

8.After masturbating, go straight to da restroom and wash up.

Take a bath or something you might smell like tuna or bleach, dough dis would be an improvement ova how i smell afta eatin' shitifa's ass.

9. Never leave porno, or used condoms or socks anywhere in your room.

Always hide anything that may get you into trouble, dough usually da Toid leaves his used kleenex's in my hammock all da fuckin' time.

10. i hope dis helps yowa ass in da arts of jackin'. unfoytunately dis is probably all i'll eva do, since it looks like amelia may not be interested in my ass.

New songs

I am very proud of dis song. da toid even likes it. da toid makes me sing dis song to him and my sis while dey are makin' love! Da noive!!!

I'm gwine down to Town!
I'm gwine down to Town!
I'm gwine down to Liberal Town
To carry my strap-ons down!

Strap-ons is sellin' high!
Strap-ons is sellin' high!
Fifty cents if it's gooey
Sixty if it's dry!

I'm gwine down to Town!
I'm gwine down to Town!
I'm gwine down to Liberal Town
To carry my strap-ons down!

Strap-ons is sellin' low!
Strap-ons is sellin' low!
7 cents per strap-on
it ain't no used to go!

I'm gwine down to Town!
I'm gwine down to Town!
I'm gwine down to Liberal Town
To carry my strap-ons down!

Liberal town has all sorts of treats
I love mashed potatas
bake 'em in da sand
fry my ass some pepperoni and salami in da pan

I'm gwine down to Town!
I'm gwine down to Town!
I'm gwine down to Liberal Town
To carry my strap-ons down!

Da best ting I eva did
was to lose some fat!
Da woyst ting I eva did
was eat out Shitifa's nasty Cat

I'm gwine down to Town!
I'm gwine down to Town!
I'm gwine down to Liberal Town
To carry my strap-ons down!

I'm gwine down to Town!
I'm gwine down to Town!
I'm gwine down to Liberal Town
To carry my strap-ons down!

Da following song is an ode to my ma, Pamela Fanuci.

Oh, mama liked the niggas
She screwed them in the yard
But Winter always came around and made the ground way too hard
Oh, mama liked the niggas and when she had the time
She'd decorate the living room, for all us kids to see

When I hear the Sunday bells ringing in the morning
I remember crying when she used to sing
Oh, mama liked the niggas but most of all she cared
About the way we learned to live
And if we said our prayers to da Rev. Coitis

You know I kept the family Bible
With a picture of a nigga that she saved inside
It was pressed between the pages
Like it had found a place to hide

Oh, mama liked the niggas in such a special way
We bring her a big black dildo every Mother's Day
And she puts them in her cave
Oh, mama liked the niggas Mmmm
Mama liked the niggas

sexual poyvoyzhun

I have been enslaved to my masta, da Liberal Librarian fowa two years and he and his fuckin minions has dominated my ass from day one. I was and still am a voygin when I met my masta. I didn't know anyting about sex till I was foyced to perfoym "sweet-ass music" on da negress Shitifa.

Da foyst time I was foyced to eat her shit-cavity I had a butt-plug in my ass. She fucked me with a strap-on dildo on owa second date. I rememba telling her ass da next day dat my asshole is sowa and she said "shut da fuck up, you be a'ight." She told me it was noymal to be fucked in the ass wit a dildo and she insisted on fucking my ass every so often.

My masta, da Liberal Librarian caught me mastabatin' one time (or actually several times dis last week) and from dat day on I was to be in da nude in my shack and I am foyced to wear six-inch heels and fishnet stockings while poyfoyming da housewoyk and other choyes. I am also butt-plugged at all times so I can accommodate Shitifa's 10-inch strap-on fetish when she feels like fucking my asshole.

I am allowed to jack-off only on da Toid's coymmand and den he must supervise it. Howeva, I always tink of da lovely Amelia--my futcha wife once I can successfully kidnap her ass again. Tinking of Amelia keeps me in a constant state of arousal troo her sexual denial.

Da otha day, Shitifa got carried away and made my ass bleed she was ramming my ass so hard. Boy I showa am a fatass whorwa.

Diapa Humiliation

Living in Libtown as a diapered bedwetter there are many occasions when I experienced humiliation. I'm kept in diapers full time until I finally gain control of wetting the bed at night. But there were many occasions when I experienc the humiliation of a sissy's shame: the feeling of self-consciousness that overcomes a bedwetter whenever he happens to be publicly exposed as a diaper-wearer.

While I have largely gained daytime control over my wetting, I still have plenty of humiliating accidents.

Here at Libtown, da guys are beginning to think of themselves as grown up, as tough guys. Encouraged by their master, da Liberal Librarian, they strike out for greater independence. "Don't be a pussy. Don't be a bitch. Act like a man." Dat's what my Lord and Savior, da Liberal Librarian, tells my ass.

It goes without saying dat da woyst and most humiliating thing that could ever happen to my ass was to defecate in my pants in public. Unfoytunately for my ass, I am neither very athletic nor very self-confident, and I am foyrmly tied to my mother's all-powerful apron strings. She sure humiliates my ass. Howeva, just dis week, I suddenly found myself in the situation of a pussy who shits his pants. So, my Ma laid down da law on my ass. I was going to be publicly flogged unleading a quart of warm chocolate pudding my pants.

I begged foy mercy and she relented. My Ma foyced my ass to wear diapas in Libtown. My Ma made it clear to my ass in no unsoytain terms that if I was going to act like a baby I was going to be treated like a baby. If I was going to shit my pants in Libtown, I was going to have to wear diapers in Libtown.

From that time on, da punishment for emptying my bowels in pants was wearing diapers for a full day. And so it was that two or three times dis week I experienced da moybid humiliation for staining my pants, a Laquer-brown dat I was sent back to slave for da Lord wearing diapers and rubber pants.


It really upsets my Savya, da Liberal Librarian, that I disgrace myself in public by sliming up my pants. I try to hide da humiliating truth, but unfoytulnately foy my ass, da Lib always found out because my Ma made me tell him.

As a punishment, my Ma strips my ass to my diapers and baby pants as soon as I get home to da shack. After I did my chores so I can buy her lazy ass some cigarettes, Ma makes my ass go into the bathroom and sit on
the toilet in my diapers and baby vinyls and think about where I was supposed to go to the bathroom until da Messiah came over. And the whole time that I sat there on da poyselan trone in my diapers and plastic panties, I knew that I was going to be humilitated by my Lord.

When da Lib shows, in his drug-induced haze, I am foyced to stand in front of my him stripped to my humiliating diapers and baby pants and confess that I had shit my pants.

My Ma has a real vindictive streak, and she always wants da Masta to know "what her woythless son has
done now." If my Ma's goal was to embarrass my ass, she soytainly succeeded.

Da Masta, marches me to da shed. He den, bends my ass over and he pulls my diapers down in back, exposing bare, dimply, shit-smudged ass for a good old fashioned whipping, like dey used to hab in slave days.

So yesterday, when I got home, my Ma layed my ass back on da bed on my rubber sheet, undressed my ass, washed my crotch off with a wet wash cloth, and fetched a fresh cotton diaper from the pile of diapers neatly folded and stacked on top of my dresser. Den she quickly and skillfully pinned a thick layer of diapers on me. My mother pulled da folds of the soft cotton diapers up between my legs, up over my pee-pee, and pinned da diapas tightly in place with a pair of safety pins.

Boy, my Ma showa knows how to humiliate my ass. Dough, she does nutting to Coitis. Dat old minstrel preacha, defecates in his pants foy times a day, and my Ma makes me clean out his pants and his ass.... Da Noive!!!!

Humiliate My Ass

humiliate my ass!!

Every finger in the room is pointing at my ass
I wanna spit in their faces
Then I get afraid of da ass-whippin dat could bring
I got foy large pizzas in my stomach
I got shitifa's ass in my mouth
Figures that my coyage would choose to sell out now

I've been looking for a liberal savior in these doyty streets
Looking for a liberal savior beneath these doyty sheets
I've been raising up my hands
Drive another nail in
Just what Science needs
One more victim

Why do we humiliate our asses
Everyday da liberal librarian humiliates my ass
Nothing I do is good enough for you
humiliate my ass, Everyday da liberal librarian humiliates my ass
And my heart is sick of being in chains

Got a kick from Mud-Monkey snappin my nips
I gotta have my suffering
So that I can have my dinner
I know a minstrel named Coitis
He says will you'll never loyn
You're just a fatass if you eat da boyd
I've been looking for a liberal savior in these doyty streets
Looking for a liberal savior beneath these doyty sheets
I've been raising up my hands
Drive another nail in
Got enough gas
To start my own refinery

Why do we humiliate our asses
Everyday da liberal librarian humiliates my ass
Nothing I do is good enough for you
humiliate my ass, Everyday da liberal librarian humiliates my ass
And my heart is sick of being humiliated

Please save me
I cry
I cry looking for a liberal savior in these doyty streets
Looking for a liberal savior in these doyty sheets
I've been raising up my hands
Drive another nail in
Where is my ma and my sis when I need dem

Why do we humiliate our asses
Everyday da liberal librarian humiliates my ass
Nothing I do is good enough for you
humiliate my ass
Everyday da liberal librarian humiliates my ass
And my heart is sick of being humiliated
Why do we humiliate
humiliate our asses
Always going back fowa mowa humiliation again
humiliate my ass again
You know, Always going back fowa mowa humiliation again to humiliate my ass
Everyday

To My Liberal Masta

O Liberal Masta uncover me
Come my restoration
Wash my ass clean


I've been eaten' in a shitter
Along a crooked path, stroking my twitter
Where my drawers have fallen
To reveal that my asshole is swollen


I'm telling you
I will not gonna rest till I empty my bowels
I'm gonna go
In da Masta's house of stone and light


I shall not cry
For all da beatings I receive
When I go
In da Masta's house of stone and light, yeah
In da Masta'a house of stone and light


Hello lady
Show me your tits
Tell me of da place
Where you would not resist


Old man Coitis waiting
At da gates for me
Go ahead, hit me with your likka bottle
call me a pussy


I'm telling you
I will not rest till I lay down my head
In da Masta's house of stone and light


I make my way
Oh, gonna be such a beautiful day
In da Masta's house of stone and light
In da Masta's house of stone and light


Let me in beneath my skin
In da Masta's house of stone and light


It's been too long
more than thoity minutes stroking my schlong
Liberal Librarian
Let me be reboyn


And I will embrace
The manure upon my face
Come da day
I awake da defecation inside
In da Masta's house of stone and light


And when I go
I will drop, drop, drop my drawers
In da Masta's house of stone and light
I will see you
In da Masta's house of stone and light


Looking in beneath my skin
In da Masta's house of stone and light


Going inside
In da Masta's house of stone and light
(Libtown's house of Stone and light)
Looking for a shitter
In da Masta's house of stone and light
(See myself getting a tremendous beating)
In da Masta's house of stone and light


In da Masta's house of stone and light
(I'm gonna let this defecation come slushing out my ass)
In da Masta's house of stone and light
(My asshole is squoitin' softly to me)
I must go there, to find my asshole, yeah


In da Masta's house of stone and light
(I can see so clearly now)
(I will go there, to find my asshole, yeah)
In da Masta's house of stone and light
(Well keep on stroking "little Faooch")
(I must go there, to find my asshole, yeah)


In da Masta's house of stone and light
(I will go there, to find my asshole, yeah)
In Libtown's house of stone and light
(I must go there, to find my asshole, yeah)

Kelly da froot

Kelly Millis got caught jacking off in his cell again today. I realize even queens have needs, but this motherfucker chokes the chicken about 5 times a day. First off Kelly has priors in Libtown for whipping his dick out whenever my ass comes by his cell. At first I thought it funny, but then I got to thinking that maybe that Fruit has some kind of mental problem. I've always been under the assumption that women could see a dick and be like "Oh, whatever." Men on the other hand are just the opposite. All I have to see is a hint of some titties and I'm ready to go. Shit, just the other day I jacked off to a picture of da Utz goyrul. Why?... Because she had a little cleavage action going on. Da Revrend Coitis and I were the only ones watching TV this morning (music videos) when this beautiful girl in a bikini graces the screen. Da Revrund Coitis is like, "Damn, that bitch is bad!" I definitely had to agree with him. And then he said, "Yo, Fanooki don't turn the TV. I'll be right back. I'm about to go fuck that bitch." This nigga saw a bitch for 15 seconds and now he's going to jack off to her. That's crazy, but that's Coitis.

The Fruits in Libtown that have priors for too much jacking, or saying anything sexual to Da Toid are required to wear a red card around their necks. Needless to say, Kelly has one of these cards. The story goes that Kelly the Fruit was caught masturbating by Da Toid so much that not only does he have to wear the red card, but he is also not allowed to place his hands in his pockets around either.

Now I've seen Kelly Da Fruit do some freaky shit. For example, sniffing the chair dat Retro has recently occupied. Licking the lipstick stained coffee cup of Shitifa has just thrown away, and the list goes on. But nothing tops the story dat Da Masta told my ass about Kelly. Apparently, Kelly had a huge crush on Billy Bell who worked in the kitchen of the chow hall. Kelly was a kitchen worker and had been caught several times by Billy stroking the "Limp Pasta". One morning Bobby Bell had all the kitchen workers seated. He was reading to them some new rules regarding the handling of knives. For obvious reasons Da Bells tended to avoid direct eye contact with Kelly. Kelly da Fruit played it cool and listened attentively, but something kept distracting Bobby Bell. It was Da Fruit. Kelly was tapping his right foot up and down, as if he was listening to a B.B. King song. This must have annoyed his ass, because Billy motioned for Da Lummox to come in. He said something to da Lummox and he asked Kelly to come with him. Da Lummox frisked Kelly and then asked him to remove his shoes. They found nothing. That is until they stripped searched him. What they found is something so funny that I can barely write this without laughing my ass off. Kelly da Fruit had tied a piece of dental floss around the big toe of his right foot and ran it up his leg where he tied it off on his string dick. His dick!! Only a crazy person would think of some shit like that. Kelly Millis is the only person I have ever heard of that found a way to jack his dick off with his foot.

Underwear humiliation

Just today, I was noysing my wounds suffered at the hands of my master, the Liberal Librarian, for looking at poyn on the Internet. Which by the way was his minion's (Da Toid) favorite site www.cakefarts.com.

The noyve. Everybody in Libtown looks at poyn but I can't because I was caught by my masta reading a story about Paris Hilton on foxnews. Why I oughtaaa.....

Anyhow, as I was noysing my wounds, my saintly, yet crotchety old-bag Ma was at woyk at the Libtown Massage Parlor "massaging the black snake" as she says. And my twin Sister, the beautiful Antoinette was out with da Toid. I think they were fucking in the cow pasture because the cows looked really agitated.

I was in Antoinette's bedroom and I got the uyge to try on some of her silky drawers. I was trying on her clothes, being she had a full length mirror in her room, I had just taken off one dress and I was standing there wearing her bra, panties, stretched-out pantyhose, and heels when she walked in on my ass. At first she thought it was her reflection, then realizing it was my ass, she screamed and then she decided to start beating my ass. She clubbed my ass with a salami she poolt out her bra and began raping my asshole wit it. As I was laying on the ground a prone, bloody mess, she climbed on the bed and gave my a massive splash shaking the entire shack. Then she pulled my lifeless body into the corner of the room and gave me the most devastating move I ever felt--the "Hoyshey Highway". (Basically she ran into me at full speed and toyned around at the last moment clobbering my face with her dimply, shit-smeared ass). I later found at that da Toid taught her this move in the pasture. After the tremendous beating, she tried a different approach and began interrogating my ass. Even though I told her immediately that I've been trying on her clothes for about a week, she boyned her cigar on my nipples. AHHHH!!!! She asked me if I wanted to be a goyrul and I told her, "no way!" She then pinched my nipples, twisted them, then snapped her fingas. AHHHH!!!!! She asked my ass again, and I then screamed "yes!" She said if I wanted to be a girl I had to dress like one. She preceded to pick a pink dress out of her closet and had me put it on. She then helped me put on makeup and let me wear it around the house until Ma came home with Coitis. I thought I could hide in Antoinette's closet, but that sorry asshole told Ma that I was wearing dresses around the house while she was at woyk. Ma then walked in the closet and caught me. I was so embarassed and my sister sat there laughing her jowls off. Ma was horrified and went to her room for thoyty minutes with Coitis. I think they were fucking--because she kept screaming something about her anus. When they came back out of the room, Ma (who was wearing lingerie) was holding a bible, Curtis had a lead pipe, and da Crunk (who had showed up through Ma's window) had a belt. Unfortunately fowa my ass, they beat my me until I was a bloody mess. Then while everyone was laughing, Antoniette gave my ass another "Hoyshey Highway," knocking me through the wall of the shack and me out cold. When I woke up I was tied up and nude in my hammock under my roommate the Toid (who was in the hammock above me and also in the nude). The Toid, must have knew I was awake. He said, now that I "have tasted the Hoyshey Highway, that it was time to wash it down with a 'mudslide'." At that moment the floodgate to a reservoir of piss and liquified stool was let loose and rained down all over my face. Needless to say what a day that was.

I got humiliated BAD at my Masta’s new storwa, “Ass Cream Delights”.

This week I have been basking in the hell hole that is Libtown. So much rain fell recently, it evens look like a beach—the beach in Jersey that is with all the medical waste and sewage. The most disgusting thing at the Libtown beach happened to my ass on my way to the sewage lake and you won't even believe it.

Me and David Downs got sprinkle cones at “Ass Cream Delights” right next to the lake and since Downs has a paper route he PAID because no one else will associate with his ass because he's always masturbating and he shits in his pants a lot—and my Masta, the Liberal Librarian orders my ass too, so I'm the only one who will be seen with him. I'm barely any better off than Downs though because everyone makes fun of my ass and beats me up a lot because I'm a fat fuck and I have a huge mouth and I'm always running from fights and crying and instigating everyone by falling in love with the most popular goyles and trying to molest them and everything.

So Downs and I are eating sprinkle cones and I start making fun of da Toid with mean names like "stupid hunky" and "grit-face" and "scuzz-master," only the Toid was standing just far enough away and I wasn't looking at him and was just talking to Downs the whole time, so it took the Toid a while to cop on that he was the object of my cutting commentary.

But then the Toid got wise because Downs was laughing too hard and actually I kid you not SHIT HIS ORANGE SWIM TRUNKS he was laughing so hard at me mocking da Toid just out of the Toid's hearing (oh, btw, the Toid was wearing--get this smeared shit and nothing else).

So the Toid gets wise and turns his shit self around and gives us a stare challenge, and he sees that my idiotic friend Downs has shit his trunks laughing, and the Toid says "Nice shit, fuck face!" And then he walks up to me and says "You weren't makin' fun o' ME perchance, was yis?"

And I barely had time to be surprised dat bastid could come up with the word "perchance" then he grabbed my wrists at the same time and shoved da sprinkle cones up my ass and humiliated me in front of the “Ass Cream” staff, one of which is this jail-bait slut I totally have a crush on and pass love poems to every day before I go to the lake. Did I mention that she's got a nice fuckin rack, too?

And I'm telling you—I was totally so laden with sprinkles and ice cream in my ass cavity that I could barely stand the shame of everyone's laughing and taunting. And then the Toid says "Why don't you shit YOUR pants, just like your retard friend, you fuck whore!?" Which was stupid, since I’ve neva been laid--you could practically fit an acorn around my dick, and so I take off sprinting toward the lake, where I found out later the Toid had been banned from entering because he doesn't have proper swim trunks only more greasy stool.

Nonetheless, I nearly pass out after 20 feet and da Toid caught my ass and held me hostage for like a half hour, taunting my ass in front of othas like that slut and Letravis Gorman and buying ANOTHER sprinkle cone and shoving it in my asshole, even though to the Toid's credit, he let my ass choose the flavor and the sprinkle variety for his second cone-raping humiliation, and da Toid even paid for the second cone, which was nice of him. nyuck, nyuck, nyuck....

Teenage Humiliation

Back when I was seventeen years old and my live-in cousin, Rossatti kept bitching every time at my ass when she had to do da laundry. She hated washing my stretched out drawers because she said they smelled like a cheddary pig sty and always had skid marks in dem. So I decided to steal a pair of her panties and wear dem for a week—especially when I had explosive diarrhea--to teach her ass a lesson. But as soon as I put dem on I was in Heaven. Da silky fabric rubbing against “Little Fanooch” caused me to have a gigantic hard on. I neva wanted to take dem off—even when I shit myself.

Rossatti had dozens of dem, so I figured she wouldn't miss 5 or 6 pair if I took some more. But she caught my ass going tru her panty drawer and gave me a painful ass-beating befoy she trew me out. Den she told everyone—even my Ma and my ailing Pa!—I was a sick poyvert who liked wearing female underwear. I was so humiliated I left town and neva went back.

A few munts later, I came back from my exile. I let da humiliating experience slip from my mind and went back at da bitch who had challenged my authority. I had to win dis battle of the sexes at all cost or my life would be rooned. I repeatedly chucked numerous punches at her smiling face like a mad man. But anger and determination wasn't nearly enough to make me victorious. My fighting skills compared to hers woy absolutely pat-etic. Rossatti eluded everyting I trew at her ass like it was da simplest ting in da woyld to do. Den on top of dat shit, she opened up on me and stomped a chocolately, puddingy, mud hole in my ass. Wit her adoring audience cheering her on. "SMACK!" My nose shattered to pieces. "THUD!" My midsection was softening up. "SMACK! SMACK!" Bot' of my eyes woy beginning to close. "THUD!..THUD!" Now my stomach really ached. "SMACK!..SMACK!..SMACK!" Bot' cheeks puffed up and my mouth swelled to an enormous size—almost as big as my gut. I was completely helpless against da female gladiator while she methodically took my ass apart.

"CRACK!" I slumped to da floy at her feet and began to cry and beg foy moicy. "Well what do you know girls. The fat cunt is crying." Rossatti said with an evil grin. Unknown to my ass, one of the women was going to Ma's Boythday party after work. So she happened to have a digital camera in her poyse. In addition to da savage beating, Rossatti decided to add more fuel to da humiliation train by stripping my clothes—unfortunately for my ass I was wearing her thong drawers. As soon as Rossatti exposed my red thong, dat bitch wit da camera scurried off to retrieve it. Soon, my entire humiliating episode was being recorded on film. "Get up sissy. Crying is not going to gain you any sympathy from me or anyone else. So get up and model your red thong for us." Rossatti commanded. A loud roar erupted from the crowd when she said dat shit. Da women, most of whom were nuns, were having a ball while dey watched me get what was coming to my ass. I struggled to my feet wit tears in my eyes and slobbers running out of my mouth. Rossatti smiled and resumed da savage beating she was easily giving me.

Now dis video is available on Youtube. Da mowa tings change da mowa dey stay da same.

An ode to Amelia

I hear Amelia're takin' da town again
Having a good time wit all your fuckin' friends
I don't tink dat Amelia tinks of my ass

You're on your own now, and I'm alone and horny
I know that I oughta get on with my life
But a life lived wit'out Amelia could never be right
And as long as da poyvs watch poyn on da internet
Long as da bums run behind da building to pee
I'll never get over Amelia
Getting over my ass

I try to smile so da hurt won't show
Tell da Toid I was glad to see Amelia go
Dough dat bastid is pounding on his dookie stick and calls me a ho
But da tears just won't go away
Loneliness found my ass, looks like it's here to stay
I know dat I oughta find someone new
But unfoytunately for my ass, all I get is Kelly Millis's goo
And as long as da poyvs watch poyn on da internet
Long as da bums run behind da building to pee
I'll never get over Amelia
Getting over my ass

No matter what I fuckin do
It's like a lifetime to live troo
I can't go on like dis
I need your fuckin' tits
You're da only bitch I've eva loved
And as long as da poyvs watch poyn on da internet
Long as da bums run behind da building to pee
I'll never get over AmeliaGetting over my ass
I'll never get over Amelia Getting over...Never get over Amelia getting over...I'll never get over Amelia
Getting over my asssss........

Pissiliation

You may not believe dis, but back in Braddock County I made my way tru life hustling homos in da liberry. Actually, I was not a hustlah, I was a whu-ah, and a cheap one at dat. I did it only when I absolutely had to, to make enought money to hang out at wit my Master at da Inconvenient Café and drink liquor.

Anyway, dis one time I'm standin' at da liberry trying to scare up some business when a guy in a cheap shiney black suit, named Kelly walked up and asked if I'd like to go with him to da Inconvenient Café for a drink. I told him yes, but I couldn't stay long because I'm out here for a reason. He said he already knew dat and it would be worth my while. Oncet in da bar he told me what he liked. He was a masochist. He told me he liked getting whipped wit a belt and talked to in a derogatory way. He also stressed dat he really enjoyed drinking piss. He promised me 50 semolians and told me I'd get another fity if I stuck wit my end of da bargain and was at his apartment (since his wife kicked him out of the house) at da appointed time. He also asked me to buy some likka and sodas wit part of the promised cash. I got some vodka and two different types of drinks to mix with it. Well, I show up and take off my clothes and he’s going thru a rather pathetic act of whipping my ass wit his belt. He was trying as hard as he could, but he looked like he was about to die. I was hoping the pain would take away da humilation, unfoytunatley for my ass, he was a bigger jobber dan my ass. I had a real bad case of diarrhea, so all I wanted was for da session to end, so I could shit.

I told him I was going into da kitchen to mix a vodka drink and asked him if he'd like one. He said yes. I asked what he wanted in it, orange juice or soda, and he said, "You know what I like in mine, fine sir." So I brought him a glass of piss with minimal alcohol in it. As I lay back on the bed getting whipped and cursed at, every so often he'd reach down and gingerly grab the glass of piss and hold it quiveringly to my lips, and foyce my ass to take a sip and smile. That bastid, he was supposed to drink da piss. I couldn't wait to get rid of Kelly da froot. I was a lousy whu-ah. But I sort of told him dat before the arrangement, so I didn't feel too bad about not doing a spectacular job.

Anyway, dat really happened. I was not amazed dat a guy would foyce my ass to drink piss, only da manna in which he did it. But after I drank my own piss, he den started drinking it. Da FROOT!!! I figured Kelly wanted to drink da piss straight from the dick. But out of a glass, what a fuckin’ weirdo. People might say I sound like a weirdo, but I don't look da part. Kelly’s ass looked da part from head to toe. His paleness was incredible. His suit was black and shiny and he looked like something no one would ever aspire to be. He wanted to get and receive total humiliation and I could not deliver. At foyst I taut it stupid and unsexual to drink piss from a glass rather dan a sex organ. But foy humilation poyposes, drinking it from da glass is more degrading and dus more satisfyin'. Being told to drink it would be even better. But I was a lazy whu-ah and did not give da guy his money's woyth. I was not proud of a job well done. Unfoytunately I felt like such the fool again--especially after I found out Retro was in Kelly's closet wit a video camera recording the piss fest and uploading it on youtube--da fookin' bastids!!!

Fanuci's Song to The Liberal Librarian

Stranded at the Inconvenient Cafe'
Branded a fool
Will my Master's minions think it's cool?

Masta can't you see that my ass is in misery
Made a start now we're apart
There's nothing left for my ass
Your supanatural powas has flown all alone
I sit and wonda why-y-y-y-y oh why?

You left my ass
oh Masta

Oh Masta
Someday when the WNWA is done
Somehow, someway our beloved Hillary's Presidency will be won
In hell foyeva and eva our asses will be
Oh please say you'll stay
Oh MastaMasta my savya
You hurt my ass real bad
You know it's true
But Masta
You gotta believe my ass
When I say I woyship you
Your supanatural powas has flown all alone
I sit and wonder why-y-y-y-y oh why?
You left my ass
Oh Masta
MastaMasta-a
Why-y-y-y-y
Oh Masta

An Inconvenient Humiliation

A couple of days ago, my Lord and da rest of his minions decided to eat at da Inconvenient Cafe foy dinner. It was a Wednesday night which means dat macaroni and tofu was on da hot bar, indeed da only night of da week dat it is soived. Unfoitunately, the tofu-a-roni looked a bit moldy, but my Masta said it was meerly seasoning.

Wednesday night is also kid's night at da Inconvenient Cafe, complete with Poivo da Clown wandering from table to table entertaining doz little bastids. It may seem dat da events about to be told have little connection to dose two soycumstances, but all will be clear in a moment.

We went troo da line and placed our oydas for da all-you-can-eat hot bar den sat down as fah away from da front of da restaurant as possible in order to keep da density of da fucking kids down a bit. Then I started my move to da hot bar. Plate after plate of macaroni and tofu were consumed dat evening, I tell you in all, four heaping plates of the pseudo-Italian soy-ka-bobs were shoved into my hang-gut. It was salted. Perhaps a bit too much, however. I had not really felt well all day, with quite a bit of gas--I was farting all day and staining my drawas a rich, dark brown color. By the time I had eaten foy overwhelmed plates of food, I was in real trouble. There was so much pressure on my intestines that I was having trouble breathing. At the same time, the downward pressure was building. At foist, I tought it was only gas which could have been passed in batches right at the table without too much concern. Unfortunately, that was not to be. After a minute or so it was clear that I had a major case of the liquid squiots. It's amazing how grease can make its way through your intestines fah faster dan da food full of fiber, but I digress... I struggled up from da table and made my way to the bathroom. Upon entering, I saw mold on da two sinks immediately inside the dowah as well as on da two yoyinals just to the right of the sinks, and two toilet stalls against the back wall. One of them was for da cripples.

Now, normally I shit in da cripple-stall since I like to stretch out my fat rolls a bit when I push out all that liquified stool, but in this case, the dowa lock was broken and the only thing I hate woyse than da Toid telling me to wash my hands afta I take a shit is having Kelly Millis walk in on me while I'm jacking-off. I decided to squeeze in da normal stall. In retrospect, I probably should have gone to the large, handicapped stall even though the dowa would not lock because that bit of precious time lost in trying to fit my fat ass in the small stall proved to be a bit too long under the soycumstances. By the time I had walked into the regular stall, the pressure on my ass was reaching Biblical propoyshuns. I began the process I like to call the "The Man Boyth." For those women--especially Amelia--who may be reading dis, let me take a moment to explain "The Man Boyth." Men know exactly what their bowels are up to at any given second. And when the time comes to empty all the stool, a sequence of physiological events occoy dat can not be stopped under any soycumstances. There is a move men make that involves simultaneously approaching da shitter (which by the way was covered in piss and bits of popcorn koynals), beginning the body turn to position ones ass toward da trone, hooking ones fingers into ones waistline, and dropping dere trousers while beginning to squat (or fall) at da same time. It is a very fluid motion that, when poyfoymed properly, results in the flawless expulsion of toilet soup at the exact same second that one's ass is properly laid out on da toilet seat. Often times, a man may give boyth to a nine pound brown, bouncing boy. I was about half-way into "The Boyth" when I looked down at da floy and saw a pile of vomit that had been previously expelled by one of those little bastards--probably one of Shitifa's juvenile delinquents--at the Cafe; I did not notice it at foyst, because I was barely able to squeeze my sexy frame into da stall. Afta I took a wiff of that tofu--chitlin mixcha--combined with the gas in my stomach--four plates of macaroni and tofu started coming up for a rematch. What happened next was so quick that the exact sequence of events are a bit fuzzy, but I will try to reconstruct dem as best I can. In that moment of impending puking, my ass was divoyted from the goings on at the other end. To put a freeze frame on the situation, I was half crouched down to the shitter, joking pants pulled down to my knees, with a load of vomit coming out my mouth and nose. Now, most of you know that vomiting takes precedence over shit no matter what is about to come slathering out of your ass. It is apparently an evolutionary thing, since shitting will not kill you, but vomiting takes a presence of mind to accomplish so that you do not aspirate any food into the bronchial tubes and perhaps choke to death. My attention was thus divoyted. At that very split second, my asshole exploded. An enoymous pile of excrement the consistency of thick, oily mud came spraying out my ass. But remember, I was only half-way down on the toilet at that moment. The shit wave was of such foice it ricocheted off the back of the toilet and covered the entire stall. Then I sat down and recalled that when that event occurred, I was already half way to sitting anyway and had actually reached the point of no retoyn. There was a significant amount of shit remaining on about one-third of the seat rim which I had now just collapsed upon. So, now I was covered in shit--I'm such a fool!!!

Now, back to the vomit. While all the shitting was going on, the vomit was still on its way up. By the time I had actually collapsed on the toilet, my mouth had filled up with a goodly portion of the macaroni and tofu I had just consumed. OK, so what does my ass instinctively do when vomiting? I bend my ass ova. I was still sitting in the toilet, though. Therefore, bending over resulted in me placing my head above my now slightly opened legs, positioned in between my knees and waist. Also directly above my pants which were now pulled down to a point just midway between my knees and my ankles. Oh, did I mention that I was wearing not just pants, but sweat pants with elastic on the ankles? In one mighty push, some ten pounds of macaroni and tofu, two or three liters of Coke, and five Big, Fat Yeast Rolls, with some of Retro's cummy bears were deposited in my pants on the inside with no ready exit at the bottom down by my feet. In the next several seconds, there were a handful of farts, a couple of toyds, and the event ended, yet I was now sitting there with my pants full of vomit, my back covered in shit that had bounced off the toilet, spattered on three ceramic tiled walls to a height of about five feet, and still had enough foyce to come back at me, covering the back of my shirt with droplets of liquified stool. All while thick shit was spread all over my ass in a ring curiously in the shape of a toilet seat. And there was no fucking toilet paper. The bastids. What could I do? I had no choice I had to walk out in total and complete humiliation foy the whole library to see. They all laughed at my ass--including my Masta and his beloved Hillary who was there too! I must have sounded like a complete maniac to the guys who wandered by. They actually asked if I was homeless. At that moment, I think it dawned on me exactly the gravity of the situation. The national media was there, I and looked like a fool to the whole country. I looked like a fat sow covered in mud--except it was SHIT--and puke was draining down my feet!! No way, this could be mowa humiliating!! BUT IT WAS!!! I WAS ON LIVE FUCKING TV!!!!

While everyone was laughing at me, the Toid grabbed the hose located unda da sink with a phallic end, and began spraying my ass!! I was so humiliated I tried to run away but slipped on my own vomit and stool, I then fell hitting my head on a table, and my ass was out cold. So now as I write this, I am foyced to watch coverage of my humiliation be replayed on all the cable news netwoyks by my Lord, the Liberal Librarian. Now you think the humiliation, is somewhat over--sorry pal, it ain't. I am now foyced to appear in a commericial for the Inconvenient Cafe where I am foiced to strongly recommend eating that crap. I even have to say they have the nicest management staff of any restaurant because the manager (da Toid) hosed the vile filfth off my ass.

So close, yet more humiliation...Monkey Style

I tawt dis last tv show was going to change my life for da bettah. I tawt da fans would love my ass and chant my name...and da lovely Amelia would want me to moida her tits. Howeva, to my dismay I was da subject foy laughta--not only inside, but outside da arena too!! In fact, I am still teased by da Braddock locals. Everybody laughs at my ass because I was defeated by dat maniacal monkey, Mud. Even at da Braddock Public Library, this 13 year old blonde headed boy named Bryin grabbed my nipples, twisted them, and then snapped his fingas!! Dat BASTID!! What did I eva do to his ass?? Dat humiliation is only da tip of the iceboig. Don't dey understand, I almost won. After all, Mud is a masta in martial aoits. Don't dey know that I'm a lovah, not a fightah?

My Masta and Lord, da Liberal Librarian, who just came back home told me dat I should take da abuse and tell dose bums to vote foy my Masta's beloved, Hillary. Am I to embrace the public for trowin dog shit at me because I've lost just a few mowa matches dan I won?? Are dey going to laugh and humiliate my ass because I'm a little overweight? Will they keep trying to rape my ass justifying it (quoting them!) by saying "I'm FAT!"? From age 8, people can tell between right and wrong. No matter what dere frustrations at the oh so evil world, as long as they take it out on innocent people, dey are da scum and dey don't desoiv being in my fan club--if I had one.

I have been a victim of lots of shit. Just because I'm fat, I have been beaten, set on fire and even found my underwear drawer flooded with piss and stool. And dis humiliation was just by my Ma!! In addition to all dat shit, I have been insulted, laughed at, mocked. My black friends ganged up against my ass just to crush me, and even those geyahs who have promised my Ma to look after my ass--namely Revoind Coitis has joined in bullying me. At age foyty, I found myself completely alone and mistrusting people. And I still am. I still catch myself questioning and being suspicious of every nice gesture: "What's Kelly's ass scheming?"--refoying to dat time Kelly Millis asked if I wanted a full body massage.

Here in Braddock, I have no friends or family to toin to wit my pain. I have no chest to cry on...just my enoymus man tits. I have always been left alone wit my trouble. I KNOW what it's like to be discriminated, mistreated and humiliated. I KNOW what it's like to feel you're on your own, surrounded by enemies. And even when I did direct my anger at da true enemy--Republicans, I have never met "understanding" from fucking anyone. Whetha I defended my ass or whetha I let dem beat my ass into da ground, I have always found my ass alone. My country, with my Ma, my Masta and my roommate--da Toid. Thanks to my intimidating good looks, I have never been in any relationship, da closest being cases of rape by Shitifa, and my botched rape of Amelia. At least my Masta understands... he told my ass when Hillary is elected emperor, everything will woik out. I just hope when my masta leaves to campaign foy her ass in Indiana, that he doesn't leave me alone with Mud. My nipples shoy are sore. Mud's brand of humiliation is especially humiliating...

Constipation Humiliation

Da last few days have been the most humiliating eva!! Since my masta has been away campaigning for his beloved Hillary, I have been a prisona in my own slave quarters following the every whim of my oversee'a, Mud. He makes me dress up in lingerie and wear lipstick and wigs just so he can pleasure his ass sexually--all at the expense of my pride!! The noive of that damn monkey!!

Unfoitunately for my ass, the only thing Mud does not make me do is cook. He has cooked for both of our asses ever since my Lord and Savior, The Liberal Librarian (tm) went to my beloved Pennsylvania. I don't think Mud has very good hygiene. In fact after I see him play with his stool, I do not recall seeing Mud wash his hands. EVA!! So with these disgusting hands, he cooked some mash potatas and meat loaf. Eva since this dish, which by the way smelled like Shitifa's ass, I have been suffering from food poisoing the last few days.

At foist I had diarrea. Den I was constipated. Now I'm constipated and bloated. I asked Mud to give me a few bucks so I could see a Doctor. He just pinched my nipples, twisted them, then snapped his fingers. That bastid!! If only I was still a great wrestler like I used to be, then I could kick that Monkey's ass and impress the beautiful Amelia.

Interestingly enough while I was thinking of a way to kill Mud, the Master's spiritual advisor, the Revoind Coitis called and spoke to his damn monkey. They must have talked to each otha foy thoity minutes. Mud was grunting and I think I hoid Coitis on the phone grunting too. I think the two are related because they both understood exactly what each otha was saying. They soytenly look alike! Doying that convoysation, I prayed to the alter of my Lord, the Lib to make me a great wrestler again. I asked Him to help me lose weight and clear my constipation problem. Shoy enough after Mud hung up the phone, he started beating my ass severly. He kicked me in the nuts repeatedly until my face toined blue and then he gave me an atomic wedgie. Whyy I oughtaaa.... I was laid out on the ground, just as I came to I noticed the chandelier was moving, it was Mud swinging in it. He jumped off and gave my ass an atomic late-toim aboishun right on my hang-gut. He landed so hard I started puking. On top of that shit, Mud must have knocked something loose because about 14 lbs of liquified stool instantly spilled down my legs. After I was cleaning myself up in the bathroom and attempting to regain some dignity, I looked on the scale and noticed I was 20 lbs lighter. My prayer was ansa'd by my Master and my Lord. I can clearly see the difference. I look kind of like ThundaLipps in his prime dude. Instead of my sluggish 519 lbs, I am now an athletic 499 pounds. The Liberal Librarian (tm) has blessed my ass and I will be a great rassler again--also I am having regular bowel movements again--soon I will loose moy weight. I cant wait foy the next show, Mud is going to receive a most humilating defeat when I face his ass in the squared coikel. And then Amelia will love my ass and she will let me moida her tits! Wooo, woo, woo, woo......

Abandonment Humiliation

Today is the day afta my pals, Frustrated Inc. had left my ass for my beloved homeland of Pennsylvania. For tree solid weeks, I had known someting was up. I spoke with da Toid about it, and his ass denied anything was going on. "We're just planning a campaign at da library" was the common response. Tree weeks later, I woke up at da Brownview Apartments, and my ass was all alone. I looked all over for anyone. The apartments was empty. The brothel was empty. An Inconvenient Cafe was closed. I went to the Resoich Soivices desk at the library and they laught at my ass. Doz fools told my ass that the Masta was planning some major campaign for his beloved Hillary in my home state of Pennsylvania. What an asshole. Da Bells, Da Skills, Da Retads, even my ma and her two boyfriends left my ass. The Braddock Library Director, Kelly the fruit tried to console my ass. He said that he was also alone in his apartment since his wife caught him watchin the gay porn if I wanted company tonight. He kept rubbin my shouldas, da noive of that gay!! That bastard creeped my ass out so much that I took off without speaking anotha woid. Anyway I went back to my slave quarters at the Brownview Apartments, and I felt uneasy. I felt like I wasn't alone. So I started looking around. I was so noivous I could feel sweating dripping off my tits and down my ass crack. Anyway at that moment I saw a dildo fly across the room, I toined around and met a hard kick to the face. I was knocked down but not out. Unfoitunately, the intruda kept laying a severe beating to my ass. He punched my ass in the stomach so hard, I must have vomited on his face temporarily blinding him. When I came to I realized the introida was no other than that God Damn Monkey, MUD!!! I reached for one of Coitis's empty liquor bottles. But befoy I could kill that damn monkey, he kicked me in the nuts. Not oncet, not twicet, not thricet, but foy times. My nuts hoit so bad, I could barely breath. Then Mud grabbed the bottle from my ass and broke it over my head. That's the last I remember. Unfoitantely, this moining when my ass woke up, my chest was covered in vaseline and womens bras and panties. I think Mud, assaulted my ass sexually. The noive of that bastid. Right now I am locked-up in the shitter. I am gonna stay in here, until my beloved Master gets back. I can't wait till my one-on-one match with Mud. I'm gonna MOIDA HIS TITS!!!

Poiplexing question

Just today, I axt the Revoind Dr. Coitis Lowe a question that has bothered my ass for decades. What is the question you ask? Well, I axt Coitis what is a Cincinnati bowtie?

And he responded. He said "Tony, yoo honky foo!!! A Cincinnati bowtie is when you reverse titty-f--k a ho. So your balls and co-k are upside-down and it looks like she is wearing a fleshy bow-tie.

"I wish I could give the lovely Amelia a "Cincinnati bowtie?.... Fanuci Style!!! wo, woo, wooo, woooo.... nyuck, nyuck, nyuck....

The Evolution of Humiliation

I have to admit, I am shocked that my Lord, Master, and Savior, the Liberal Librarian's beloved Hillary won the primary in Texas. Somehow, with all the bribes, ballot box stuffing, and voter intimidation, she eeked out a slim victory in this god-foybidden shit-hole known as the lone-star state.

I tawt my masta would be happy. But they found out about the serious error I made in the booth when it was my toin to vote. I voted the Republican ballot!! I was such a fool! I was hopin' dey wouldn't notice. A couple of days ago on election night, I just finished a family sized bag of Utz potata chips for an afta suppa snack. Then I started looking real hard at the bag, namely the Utz Goil. I began to imagine all that I would like to do to her ass. Then I had tawts about Amelia and her wonderful rack. How she could wear a bra while I perfoimed my patented analingus.
Unbeknowest to my ass, I started getting a major woody. So I quickly grabbed a ballot from the voting attendant and ran to the voting booth so no one would notice my erectile disfunction and laugh at my ass. Well, while I was supposed to be voting, I was stroking and I toined that voting booth into a huge gooey mess.

Luckily Kelly Millis voted after me, he didn't seem to mind. Well after the voting closed, when my Master was poysonally counting the ballot boxes, and throwing away all the votes for Obama, he noticed the Republican ballot with my handwriting and spooge on it. Though he didn't say nothing at the time, he instead whispered something into Coitis's ear. I thought he was talking about my woody. Well today at Coitis's choich, while I was finishing off a few boxes of Little Debbie snacks, I began to fantasize about Little Debbie. Boy she looks a lot like the Utz goil and Amelia. Just as I moved my hands, down my pants, I was nailed with an empty liquor bottle. Then I was pelted with slaps, kicks, and punches. It felt like 4 guys were kicking my ass at oncet. Who was giving my ass the bizzaness you ask? It was that God damn pet of Coitis. His fucking monkey, Mud!! Mud was laying a savage beating on my ass. I tried to get up but he kicked my fucking skull into the next time zone. Dat damn monkey then started twisting my nipples and snapping them in his fingas!!! Coitis was laughing at my ass, but the Master still looked pissed. Coitis then snapped his fingers and that damn Mud walked over towoids me and poops in his hands. Then he rubbed the excrement on my face and in my mouth. The NOIVE of that monkey. Then he began peeing all over my ass with uoine that smells like orange soda. I was left a bloody mess, covered in monkey shit and uoine. Why I oughta.......Well, needless to say, after I left the emoygency room, I demanded my master sanction a match between me and Mud Monkey. I demand satisfaction and I'm going to teach that Monkey who's boss. Maybe the beating I give Mud will impress Amelia. Then she might let me moida her tits. The masta laught at my ass and said sure, next house show I will face Mud in a West African Street Fight, however, the masta said that my part of the 3 man tard-tag team championship is on the line. I don't care. I guarantee a win, woo, woo, woo, wooooooo!!!

Library Humiliation

I taught that I could spend a relaxing saturday at the Braddock library, away from the Master's minions who taunt my ass endlessly. Though fate would rule that humiliation continues to follow my every step and in this case, bowel movements.

After several hours of reading my master's Internet rants against Republicans, I had to take a massive dump. Boy my master's new favorite dish--Dreamfield's Pasta--was literally coming back, or should i say out, to haunt my ass. I felt like a dump trunk pouring gallons of liquified stool into the only working toilet in the building--a urinal. Well, needless to say, the bathroom was a disasta. The toilet was clogged like I dumped cement into the pipes and shit was everywhere. I thought I could get away befoy someone walked in, unfortunately Kelly Millis must had saw what I did on the security camera's inside the batroom. And befoy I could pull my pants up, there he was staring at my ass and drooling.

To prevent his ass from calling the fuzz, I had to massage his prostate and give him a hundred bucks. The noive!! That money was for my master's beloved Hillary. On top of that shit, I had to walk to the janitor's closet (wearing a sign that said Dookey boy) and get a plunger to clean up all the commodes in the building. Why I oughtaaa.....Next time, I am going to get arrested so I can have a relaxing evening in jail.

the woist humiliation eva!!

I was at a party a few days ago at the mansion of Kelly Millis. It was pretty late and all da membas of Frustrated Inc was pretty buzzed. My Masta and Savya, The Liberal Librarian, was there and he and a couple of others were talking and saying that they always wanted to watch a fat ass guy drink a glass of the Toid’s and Metro’s brownish crème de la analique in da nude from a glass shaped like a long tube. The container that was available was a phallic shaped glass sold at the Braddock County Public Library’s gift shop. Kelly had them all over his house.

My Masta, actually came up to my ass and asked if I would do it for them. I said, “no way.” Any how lata in the night I was very drunk and everyone, even Kelly kept bugging my ass about it. I was really out of it and I can't believe it but I think Kelly talked me into it. Taking off my clothes to drink the Crème de la analique from the glass phallus while feigning pleasuring a man orally. I must have been in outer space because I did it in front of about 20 people. I knew it was a mistake right away, cause the Toid stated saying “suck it you little b***h, get a good taste of the c**k.” The Master and his special guest Hillary was laughing at my ass and saying stuff as well. Hillary called my ass a whore. And to make matters even woise, my ma who was attending the party got out a video cam and taped most of it.

I dont know why, but I just kept sucking on the glass, Letravis had hold of my head and just kept thrusting the glass in and out of my mouth and I was too drunk to fight it. This must have gone on for about 10 minutes befoy the mixtya was gone. But it wasn't even over, the Toid then grabbed another glass of the crème of analique and I just went with it. It was the most humiliating night of my life. All that, just to make Kelly happy.

After that humiliating night, The Revoind Coitis talked to my ass the next moining and “told me like it was.” He said I loined tree tings dat night. One is moy impoitant than the other. Foist and most impoitant, I should have loined it is very impoitant how I choose my friends. If I can't trust their asses and if they still taunt my ass about this night, kiss their ass good bye. It’s their loss, not yoys. If they are going to treat you with so much disrespect they ain’t woith youy time. The second ting you loined is that you have an oial fetish. Be honest with yoy self you liked doing it otherwise you would not kept screaming “Fanuci does Braddock!” And the thoid thing, he said, “Tony yoo is a stoopit foo!!!!” At that moment, Malik and Eugene stoimed troo the doy in the choich and layed a tremendous beating on my ass. They ripped off my clothes and Coitis burned a cigar in my chest. Even my ma was there, laughing at my ass. The noive of her!! After that, the masta staggad in the room with the help of the Toid. My savya undid his pants and left a Cleveland steamer on my face. He said, never question the humiliation he gives my ass, brotha!! Then the Lummox walked over to me and hovered over my face, suddenly I saw black. That’s the last I rememba from that night.The next day when I woke up in the Choich infoimary, everyone was laughing at my ass. Boy I was such fool. I should neva hesitate to do as my Savya wishes. NEVA!!

Last night was the most humiliating ever!!

After arriving to the Brownview Apatments following a long day of running pointless errands for my Masta, I was relieved to see I was home alone…. Woo, woo, woo, woot…

These errands are really humiliating, I am dressed up in a pink velvet Vagina costume carrying a sign, telling everyone to vote for Hillary. I have been running this same errand for the last 6 months and every time I get my ass kicked and spit upon.

Well, now that I was home. I took a sip of the Masta’s French wine and then I took my costume off. As I was walking around the living room in the nude, I noticed my masta had left some heterosexual porn in the Toid’s VCR for oncet. So I started watching it and rubbing on little Nooch!! Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck…Well those horas were pretty sexy and my ass really got aroused. I started pounding at full force while I stood at the edge of the couch. Then, I laid down on the couch looking up at the ceiling while I was chugging away with my left hand as my legs were hanging over the sides of the couch and my right thumb up my asshole. As my ass was reachin' its orgasmic ecstacy I started thinkin' bout the Utz Girl and the beautiful Amelia. Boy, next time I see her ass I'm gonna moidah her titz! I was about to milk my man teat, but unbeknowest to my ass, I was not alone. I didn't hear the rest of the membas of Frustrated Inc come into the room with a video camera. After I unloaded my goo all over myself a few times, I hoid the Toid say that I “put on a nice tasty show.” Oh a wise guy…… He and the rest of Frustrated Inc were standing at the foot of the couch, directly in front of my ass, less than a foot away and saw everything. My ass is so embarrassed. The only member who didn’t notice was the Lib. He was blankly staring at the light switch on the wall. Unfoitunately for my ass, the Toid took the film and uploaded the video on the internet for all my friends, families, fans, and most impoitantly my Masta to see. THE NOIVE OF THOSE GUYS!!!!!

Dear Braddock County Sheriff's Anonymous Email:

Dear Braddock County Sheriff's Anonymous Email:

My life has been total humilation. Howeva, I really don't know what to call my situation. I mean today, my abusers cooked me a macaroni and cheese dinner. What's wrong with that shit? Well the mac and cheeze was a dark oith tone. My abuser, [let's call him Mr. Excrement] foiced my ass to eat it.

Some people say I am a classic case of Stockholm Syndrome. Every day I'm molested, others say I sexually assaulted in the thoid degree, and others call it sexual misconduct. I didn't want this or invite it. I would often fight and say no. But the membas of my crew would kick my ass foy my troubles then foice me to eat jelly in the most vile manna possible. Mr. Excrement used to fondle my thighs and go into my pants and give me a wedgie causing all the chocolate pudding in my drawers to spill down to my feet.

Just today my beloved Master said he was going to rewoid my ass for being such a great Women's champion with a white, female client that weighed unda' foy hundred pounds. I never been with a white woman that small befoy. So I started getting all excited, then all that macroni had woiked its way to my intestines and I made a huge mess of myself.

When my client walked in the dowa. She looked at the mess dripping down my legs. Then she started to laugh at my ass, then she got angry and started to severaly beat me with a belt. I begged her to stop toichaing my ass. She said she would if I promised to poifoim sweet ass music on her. I said, "that's my specialty...that's what I am supposed to do... why did you whip my ass for that shit?" Then she said, she had some of that same macaroni too! woo... woo... woo... wooot.... nyuck, nyuck, nyuck....

Final thoughts befoy Libapalooza, wooo, woooo, woooo, wooooooot

I have been suffaing from anxiety for around 2 years. Dis past summer to coyent, has been the woist for my ass. I'm able to admit, I’ve had every anxiety disoida I know. I'm coyently drinking and sniffing Jenkem evoweeday, to keep me from being so "restless". My situation is tough, almost too tough. My ma has been though the same troubles as my ass, but she doesn't bother to help. She refuses to go to watch my ass wrestle, most times and the only ashoeyance she gives me is to say "Don’t get crippled, because who would take of me?" My ma isn't like one you see on the TV shows or movies. She never cooks for my ass, she never takes my ass anywhere, or tells my ass where she goes. I usually wake up, with the Toid standing over me in the nude and mastabating. I have no friends around me anymowa. I live in a hick town in a black neighborhood, with only a few rasslers all of whom are on drugs. I spend most of my time slaving away for my masta, the Liberal Librarian as a sex slave. I have to service vastly obese, female bi-peds tru my skills in the arts of analigus. And what’s woist, all my money goes to Frustrated Inc. However I don’t mind that Hillary Clinton receives a lot of my money, because America will be great if she gets elected. Soon the government will give my ass everyting I want, and I won’t have to woik anymoy. I have met a couple of great guys that I have been wrestling with foy over a year. They give me something to look forwoid to each day. In fact these two guys, Da Crunk and Rev. Coitis both regularly have sex with my ma…often at the same time...and then they tell my ass about it. What a great family!!

Suicide has been caught up in my mind, many times. I'll lay in bed sometimes crying, tinking about suicide and all the people I would leave behind. I feel lost as eva, don't have any idea where life is going to take my ass. I'm a believer in the savior, The Liberal Librarian, but I still have my doubts. I don't believe I know enough, to look foywoid to the aftalife. I have thought of dropping out of Frustrated Inc. but I know I can't because mowa humiliation would follow; if I tried to leave, I’d end up in Coitis’s brothel as the “Jelly Man.” Howeva after Libapolooza, I will be a very happy man. I will soon have the beautiful Amelia as my regular sex slave. And I will continue to be the Women’s Champion. I will redeem my manhood and just for oncet, I will not be foiced to listen to da Toid play that god damned trumpet!!

A Typical Day in Braddock

Ahhhh....Braddock, Texas. It has often been toymed a paradise on oyth. However for my ass, it has toined out to be a hell for me. A typical tough guy who wants to be a great rassler. Instead I am always the butt-end of the joke. I'm such a fool......

Though I am one of the greatest Heavyweights of all time, as the WNWA Women's Champion, most days I have the woist time eva. How ironic, a great champion not enjoying da froits of his greatness. Like today for instance. At around 4:00 I was sitting all alone on da sidewalk in my tight wife-beater's shoit at Kemellia Ave, waiting for my Masta to leave woik oily (like he does evoiyday, nyuck, nyuck, nyuck) so I can soiv his every whim, when this poivoit, covered with bandages like da Mummy came towoids me. That bastid pulled my hair, ripped off my shoit, and kicked me in the nuts. While I was temporarily blinded, I felt something soft, hairy, and sweaty rubbed on my forehead. Then, he ran into the library.

I was completely numb. I didn't even realise what happened to my ass. But the woist was yet to come. I went into the library to talk to the secoity gahds. After some time as I was giving an interview the Mummy reappeared, took out his private parts, peed on me and ran away. He was caught by the library secoity gahds but set free after the mummy slipped the gads a few simoleons.

I tried to forget it as a nightmare but to my amazement the guy showed up, again to toiment my ass. This occoid after I came back out of the library after a few hours of questioning. The Master had already left my ass at that dangerous section of town alone... the noive.... But again, this poivoited mummy came out of nowhere, undid his bandages and rubbed his privates against me. But now the security guards came out, shook his hand and took him to dinna. All the while those fools were laughing at my ass. I was so humiliated! Getting molested by a mummy is very traumatic. It’s good entertainment for all the bums that stand around, but only I know the humiliation and utter degradation I had to face. I think next time, I will take Letravis Gorman with my ass to keep the poivoits away.

The weid thing about the day was the end. After I got back to the Brown View Apatments, I saw a bunch of Ace Bandage wrappings, minus the bandages in the Toid's room. The noive of that guy... does he think that because I am the Women's Champion that I should be treated like a woman? Come to think of it, one of the gahds looked like da Crunk's ass. Why I oughtaaa.....At least this gives me ideas of what I should do to the lovely Amelia doying our match at the Masta's extravaganza, Libapalooza.

Multicultural Humiliation

Boy I’m sure glad this African holiday day is nearly over. Today I thought would be a breeze...there would be some catfish, watermelon eating contests, or a porno marathon of watching black men rape white women. Unfortunately for my ass, it was a day of amazing disgrace.

Foist of all, I had to go to Rev. Coitis’s choich. We were all oided by da Masta to pray towoid the east for Coitis’s safe retoin. Then the masta gave a speech abowt how great Docta King was. He said that King was a great black because he was a good negro and knew his place. He knew not to run for president because a black could never be president of the country. King did what’s best foy the Democrat party. Then he called Obama all kinds of names. I actually started to laugh. That’s when the gauntlet of shame began. In honor of Doctor King, the Masta said that we were going to have a slave auction. So I asked, “Who are you going to sale?” The Masta nodded his head to the Toid. At that moment, the Toid slapped my face hard. Then the Crunk, Malik, and Eugene dropped their watermelon and came over to chain up my ass, all the while everyone in the choich was calling my ass “Toby”. Then they dragged my ass on stage and stripped me of all my clothes. Eugene Washington inspected my teeth and said that he wasn’t going to pay a lot of “Benjamins” for me. He said I was damaged goods. Why I oughta…… The masta then screamed at everyone and said he was in charge. Everyone was terrified, since he had a loaded gun in his robe. In fact I dropped 14 fluid ounces of liquefied stool onto Coitis’s stage. The dinner I had the night before was cooked by the Toid, so as you already know everyone ran off the stage and the Masta (who is so drugged up that he can’t smell anything) began lashing my ass with a whip. The Toid was so enthralled by my severe beating, he began pounding his dookey stick. Letravis and Downs began humping each other because they woy so aroused. The noive of those guys.

After about ten lashes, I passed out. I woke up when the Toid rubbing salt in my wounds. The Masta then told me that I was sold to Shitifa for five dollars and that I was her slave for a day. I begged the Masta to start whipping me again. Instead the Lummox dragged my ass into Coitis’s office and Shitifa sat on my face and performed “sweet ass music”. She also had some of the Toid’s cooking, so when I wasn’t pleasuring Shitifa’s ass, I was throwing up. This pretty much summed up the rest of my day. In fact after 8 hours of pleasuring that whore, she finally had enough and fell asleep.

So I escaped the choich, even though I was still in the nude. I was arrested by the Sheriff for public indecency. Finally, I thought I would get a good night's sleep in the safety of the prison. Alas, Pike bailed my ass out and released me into the custody of the Toid. Unfortunately as I write this, I am getting ready to deal with the Toid’s ass. He told me that while the masta is passed out, that he is in charge of disciplining my ass. And in case you didn’t know, the Toid is into role playing games. Right now I am in a blue dress and he has a whole box of cigars…nyuck, nyuck, nyuck……

Chris Boiman

I really like that ESPN guy Chris Boiman. He sure is a funny guy. I've never hoid anybody dat funny in my entire life. I love he picks out obscure pop culture references and applies dem to players names. I also love how he does the same with old washed up songs to reference what is going on is spoits. I also love his Curly Howard imitations. Nothing makes me feel more at home dan a good "Whoooop!" But, the thing that sets him apart from all da rest is his combover mullet. It don't get no betta dan dat. WOOOO WOOOO WOOOOO WOOOOOO WHOOOOOP!!!

It's hahd being so sexy

Befoy all of this stuff about molestation came out in the news, I tawt I was the only one. Sure I was molested by my cousin, by udder wrestlers, and healt care professionals, but no one can say that a Toid or a crack whore molested their ass except me.

It has taken me close to year to publicly admit that I was and am still being sexually abused by a poivoit in a Toid costume and by Shitifa Moore (every Wednesday and Saturday)... woo, woo, woo, woo.....It gives you chills to think about it.

One day I was talking to Amelia on the phone while I was sitting on the shitter in the nude. That bitch kept hanging up on my ass, so I kept calling her. Then all of sudden, the bathroom door crashed open and out came Shitifa and da Toid in all their raging fury. The Toid was yelling at my ass real loud calling me a whore. But that was not the woist of it! As the Toid charged his hand was also holding onto the front of his "Toid pajama pants" which were always all twisted way over the side, and he was groping around with his hand in an effort to control and conceal his stiff dookey stick.... nyuck, nyuck, nyuck...I didn't even get a chance to wipe my ass. I had to follow the Masta's oidas. The noive of that guy. He was passed out on da floy in da nuyde. So I couldn't ask his ass for a reprieve. Needless to say, I had to make serious amends with the duo with a thorough round of anal discipline, ice cold apple butter, and a digital camera. At least I received a choclate pretzel for my troubles.

Da Masta's new tee-shoit

Dis is da Masta givin my beloved Pissboigh Steelas da bidness.

Here is da Masta's new shoit. I hate it, and he even got one made for 6XL so I will have to wear it everyday! Da noive!!

Da Toid made me one of his cakes today. Here it is:

Da Ultimate Betrayal

I can take all da humiliation and pain, but what I can't take is da ultimate betrayal by my beloved Pissboigh Steelas. They were down 18 points in da foith quarter with da Toid blaring his God Damned trumpet in my ear, and dey came back to take da lead (tanks to da referees, nyuck, nyuck, nyuck who called pass interference on foith down at the goal line despite the fact dat Hines Woid was raping da DB by da facemask- tanks Judge) only to give up a huge gain on 4th down and then let the lowly Jaguars kick da FG dat drove the stake trough my heart as da Toid played da damn trumpet again. I have never been so defeated dan when my hero, Ben Roethlisboigah was sacked and fumbled, his fourth toinover of da game. Those retads, Letravis and Downs were laughing at me as da Toid played dat trumpet again. I snapped and attacked those fools and gave dem a severe beating. Da Masta seemed to be unconscious during all dis, so I kept up the attack and I hafta say, I still got it. I left dem retads laying.

Suddenly, I awoke to find that I had been dreaming, my beloved Steelas HAD lost, Da Masta went to da game to bask in my misery and root against my beloved Steelas. He told me he wouldn't share his extra ticket with me and that he would use his powers to cause my beloved Steelas to lose. I jumped up in disbelief and struck my head on da ceiling fan and knocked myself out. When I came outta my mini coma Da Toid had shat on my Steela bed sheets and Downs and Goiman were givin' me da bidness. Woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woooo!!!!

Da Masta at Da Game, using his soipanatural powers to defeat my Steelas.

Da Masta mocking me wit my Terrible Towel. He lata gave it to Da Toid to wipe his ass wit, da noive of dose guys!

Total humiliation

It was about two days ago that I visited the Masta. Looking back I really thought I would enjoy the total humiliation. Boy was I wrong. The defeat of Hillary in Iowa put the masta in a foul mood. It soytenly would had been betta had the Master's beloved Hillary been involved, like last time. But, the Toid was there instead. The Toid told me to go to the bathroom and undress. I had ladies knickers on - woo, woo, woo, woo....!

I was given a blindfold by the Masta, who was there wearing his Jim Jones glasses and muttering how fat I was. Then the Toid sat my ass on the toilet and handcuffed my feet to the poicelain throne. He left me there for at least 10 hours whilst I took a dump and clogged up the pipes.

Finally after the restroom was a foul and vomitous odor, the Toid retoined and commented on the wonderful ambiance. He must have sat there with the door closed for another hour. After he took in all the oda, he came for me and over the next 30 mins, the Toid whipped me violently with his belt. Then he told me he was taking my ass to the basement. So I followed him with my blindfold on for the next thirty minutes.

When the Toid took my blindfold off, I was taken aback by the total depravity. There I was in the nude in the middle of Rev. Coitis's sermon at his choich. The Toid marched my naked ass through town. The noive of him. The embarrassment caused me to lose total control of my bowels. Then, I hoid it, the trumpet's blare amidst shocked silence of the church goers. Howeva Coitis, Shitifa, and her chirrun soon broke the erie silence when they laft at my ass. I guess the joke's on my ass.... again....nyuck, nyuck, nyuck, nyuck

The Daily Grind

Just today, the Master told my ass that I had to help the Toid. He was feeling depressed since we had to flush his pet "Toid Fish" down the commode. I walked over to the closet where he has been hiding, shiting, and mastabatin... nyuck, nyuck, nyuck, nyuck..... He slammed and locked the dowa in my face. The noiv of that guy. So I says, "Yo Toid, lets go to the open sewa at the water treatment plant, you can show me some of your brown children..."

His resistance stiffened, and he now refused to come out of the closet voluntarily to go to the sewa. So, I pried open the door, and he was standing there totally nude with the top part of his toid costume covering his head. He was covering his genitals with his legs like he was doing the Buffalo Bill dance. I asked his ass, "Oh, a wise guy, eh? What are you doing?" At that moment, he just pinched a loaf all over my shoes. He also demonstrated that he could throw up at will (which he did with great effect all over my ass). He began to urinate everywhere; in his bed, in my underwear drawer, in the Prius (which I had to clean), and in the sink. I put a stop to this by putting some lemon juice in a paper cup, cornering him and telling the Toid that I was going to force him to drink this “pee” if he didn’t mend his ways. Guess what he did, He drank it! and spit it in my face. He said, "That's not piss, that's lemon juice, Fuck slave." Well at least he stopped pissing in my sock drawer. But, then he began to put the Master's cat’s feces and food under my pillow and to defecate in the shower. The Masta became livid when I told him this, and said I had to clean the chocolate morass that was clogging the drain. I told him that I wasn't going to do it. He took off his glasses and stared at me for a minute and said "You're right, I will get one the lowly blacks to do it, dude." He then said, "Oh, could you tie my shoes?" So I began to bend down to honor my Masta's wishes, and then he must have delivered his patented "Cut and Run" because I was out cold like a salami in the Jersey snow. Speaking of snow, I was covered with chocolate flakes when I awoke. I guess the Toid ran out of solid and liquid stools and sprayed my ass repeatedly with shit-gas. Needless to say I had to clean the Toid's pile out of the showa. However, I got the last laugh. Instead of using my hands, I just stomped the shit through the drain with my bare feet--like I was making wine. I think I was getting high off the Jenkem that had formed, I started seeing visions of the Utz girl and salt and vinegar swirled through my head.... woo, woo, woo, woo, wooo....